How To Be The Most Positive Person In The Room

I love this!  Thank you Lindsay Holmes of the Huffington Post. -- Dr. Dale

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How To Be The Most Positive Person In The Room

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/03/positive-habits_n_5753102.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living

No one wants to be -- or be around -- a Negative Nancy. Positive people encourage others to be happier and more comfortable with themselves because their energy is contagious. And with all the adversity we face in our lives, it's no wonder that kind of outlook is appealing.

Studies show optimism certainly has its benefits. And even though it's always possible to find the negatives in a situation, there are a few ways to cultivate the sort of mindset where you choose to see the positives. (After all, as Oscar Wilde once said, "We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.")

So how do we become a positive power wherever we go? Try these science-backed strategies:

Put kindness first.

We never forget the times people show compassion toward us, whether it's a genuine smile from a stranger when we look down, or a friend who surprises us with ice cream and a movie after we've just been dumped. And turns out, it's not just the recipient of kindness who experiences benefits -- research shows those simple, empathetic behaviors make us happier, too.

Talk to someone you don't know.

While we tend to ignore those we don't know, a recent study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology suggests we should be doing the opposite for the sake of our happiness. Researchers found that talking to strangers increases positive experiences through feelings of social connectedness. Step outside of your comfort zone and strike up a conversation with someone new in the room -- you just might find yourself in a happier mood.

Go for a walk down memory lane.

Letting our minds wander back to our glory days has a way of making us feel warm and fuzzy inside -- and there's a reason for it. According to research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, feeling nostalgic about the past will increase optimistic feelings for the future (and as optimists well know, the best is yet to come).

Take charge.

Those with optimistic attitudes have an innate ability to bring out joy in others, and as a result, they're incredibly effective leaders. People who look on the bright side tend to be more inspiring communicators and have a way of rallying others around them to see the positive, Forbes points out. These kinds of leaders don't just know what it takes to get tasks done -- they encourage others around them to optimistically do the same.

Be mindful of your body language.

The secret to a positive attitude may just start with positive posture. Research suggests that uncrossing your arms, standing tall and having a more approachable demeanor can all be positive marks of confidence. Studies also show that even just the simple act of smiling can make you seem more open (not to mention it can also boost your mood).

Listen more than you speak.

Good listening skills are a quiet, yet coveted power -- and being a good listener also conveys positivity. "When you listen, you open up your ability to take in more knowledge versus blocking the world with your words or your distracting thoughts," David Mezzapelle, author of Contagious Optimism, previously explained to HuffPost Healthy Living. "You are also demonstrating confidence and respect for others. Knowledge and confidence is proof that you are secure and positive with yourself, thus radiating positive energy."

Open yourself up to positive thoughts.

It's natural for us to dwell on the negative, but the truth is, we all have the capacity to look at life through a glass half full. The key to being a positive force is to open yourself up to like-minded thoughts. One way to do that? Practice gratitude. Studies show reflecting on what you're thankful for can make you a happier, more positive person. And when's the last time anyone hated counting their blessings?

Stressed? Think again.

This is a really great article about stress management.  Something we all should read. -- Dr. Dale

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Stress-Free Is As Near to You As Your Own Thoughts

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/don-joseph-goewey-/stressfree-is-as-near-to-you-as-your-own-thoughts_b_5767360.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living

If you take a close look at stress over the course of a busy week, you're likely to discover that stress is happening in you far more than to you. It has more to do with the anxious way you relate to people and events than with the events themselves.

"We humans generate all sorts of stressful events purely in our heads ... linked to mere thoughts," states Robert Sapolsky, one of the world's leading stress researchers.

It's the way worried, pessimistic, stress-provoking thoughts ignite upsetting emotions that generate a sense of threat, when a real threat isn't verifiably present.

It's called psychological stress and it can flood your system with adrenaline and cortisol, sending your mind and body into an uproar. If these kinds of stress reactions become chronic, it will gradually wear out your body, depress your mood and could contribute to killing you. And it all begins with the stress provoking thoughts we think.

Recall the last time an email caused your mind to race with anxious thoughts, painting you mentally into a tight corner. This tight corner makes the world appear threatening, and we believe the threat our mind imagines is real. But it isn't real; it's the mind making up emergencies that the primitive brain assumes must be happening simply because you imagined it. The primitive brain possesses the intelligence of a two-year old, and when it senses any kind of danger, real or imagined, it sets off a fight, flight, or freeze reaction.

For the last 500 years, we've been quoting the great French statesman Michel de Montaigne, who said, "My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened." There's now a study to back up Montaigne. This study found that 85 percent of what we worry about never happens, and that the 15 percent that does happen turns out better than we expect. We laugh at Montaigne's comment because we see ourselves in it, but we often miss the message.

So here's the message: most of our stress is a form of mental suffering we inflict on ourselves by believing thoughts that aren't even true.

I knew a lawyer who was in litigation over a dispute between two large corporations. There was a lot at stake and this lawyer, who I'll call William, thought he was losing the case. He blamed it on the opposing litigator, who he described as unscrupulous and crooked. William was stressed about the case and he was becoming increasingly difficult for his legal team to work with. He was taking the case home at night. He thought about it incessantly, lost sleep over it, and as his stress level increased, he began to lose his edge and make bad decisions. By the time I ran into him he was exhausted.

Biologically, where there's stress, there's fear, so I asked William, "What are you afraid of?"

"Losing the case, of course," he said glaring at me as if I'd asked a stupid question.

"And if you lose the case, what are you afraid of?" I asked.

"Looking like a fool," he said nervously.

"And what's the fear of looking like a fool?" I asked.

"I'll lose my reputation," he said, and I could see terror flash in his eyes.

"So what's the fear of losing your reputation?"

"Well ... I'll lose my clients ... and my job ... and my livelihood." All at once, he looked like a deer caught in headlights. When I asked him what he was feeling, he said, "I see myself pushing a shopping cart down Main Street."

You can see in his last statement how far the mind can travel when we are afraid and really stressed. This was the story running in the back of William's mind, and the more stressed he became the more he believed the story.

So, I asked William, "Have you lost the case yet?"

"No," he said, "it's still on-going."

"Any chance you might turn things around and win?" I asked.

"Well, yes," he said. "I suppose there's an outside chance. You never know what a jury might do."

Next I asked, "Do you really think people see you as a fool?"

"No," he said somewhat self-consciously. "People respect me."

"If you lose this case will you really be in jeopardy of losing your clients?"

"No, it's not very likely," he said. "Everyone knows you win some, you lose some." He began to breathe easier and the lines on his forehead began to relax.

"Will you really be asked to leave the firm if you lose the case?"

"No," he laughed. "They're making me a partner." It was the first he'd smiled in some time.

"So," I said, "It's safe to say that you won't be pushing a shopping cart down Main Street any time soon, right?"

"Right," he laughed.

So I asked William: "Who would you be without these fearful thoughts?"

"I'd be calm," he said. "My mind would be clear. I'd sleep better. My decision-making would be a lot smarter. And I'd be nicer to my team."

This had a happy ending: When William went back to work on the case, he was at the top of his game. He wasn't undermining himself with stress-provoking thoughts.

A better life is as near to us as our own thoughts. In the last twenty years, biology has established that the vast biochemical environment that constitutes our brain and body is shaped by our mental state. So, become keenly aware of stress-provoking thoughts and tell yourself, these thoughts are in me, not in reality. Then choose not to believe them. If you don't believe a stressful thought, it doesn't turn into stress and anxiety. The ticket to the health, wealth, and love we seek is cultivating a mental state that every day brings a little more peace into our experience, a little more empathy into our heart, and a little more gratitude into our attitude. This is how the door swings open to a better life.

Best time to go to bed? Hmm.

Thank you Markham Heid for this interesting article.  I'm all about learning about sleep these days. -- Dr. Dale

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You Asked: What’s the Best Bedtime?

http://time.com/3183183/you-asked-whats-the-ideal-time-to-go-to-sleep/

The earlier the better? 11 PM? Sundown? Sleep experts say it’s not that simple. But there is a time range you should shoot for if you’re questing for a perfect night’s sleep

Every hour of sleep before midnight is worth two after midnight. Your grandparents (and great grandparents) probably adhered to that creaky adage. “The mythology is unfortunate, because there’s no pumpkin-like magic that occurs,” says Dr. Matt Walker, head of the Sleep and Neuroimaging Lab at the University of California, Berkeley. And while nothing special happens to you or the quality of your sleep at the stroke of midnight, many do wonder: What’s the best time to go to bed?

Walker says your sleep quality does change as the night wears on. “The time of night when you sleep makes a significant difference in terms of the structure and quality of your sleep,” he explains. Your slumber is composed of a series of 90-minute cycles during which your brain moves from deep, non-rapid eye movement (non-REM) sleep to REM sleep. “That 90-minute cycle is fairly stable throughout the night,” Walker explains. “But the ratio of non-REM to REM sleep changes.”

He says that non-REM sleep tends to dominate your slumber cycles in the early part of the night. But as the clock creeps toward daybreak, REM sleep muscles in. That’s significant, because some research has suggested that non-REM sleep is deeper and more restorative than lighter, dream-infused REM sleep—though Walker says both offer important benefits.

What does this have to do with the perfect bedtime? The shift from non-REM to REM sleep happens at certain times of the night regardless of when you go to bed, Walker says. So if you hit the sack very late—at, say, 3 AM—your sleep will tilt toward lighter, REM-heavy sleep. And that reduction in deep, restorative sleep may leave you groggy and blunt-minded the next day.

That’s unfortunate news for nightshift workers, bartenders, and others with unconventional sleep-wake routines, because they can’t sleep efficiently at odd hours of the day or night, Walker says. “The idea that you can learn to work at night and sleep during the day—you just can’t do that and be at your best.” Your brain and body’s circadian rhythms—which regulate everything from your sleeping patterns to your energy and hunger levels—tell your brain what kind of slumber to crave. And no matter how hard you try to reset or reschedule your circadian rhythms when it comes to bedtime, there’s just not much wiggle room. “These cycles have been established for hundreds of thousands of years,” Walker explains. “Thirty or 40 years of professional life aren’t going to change them.”

When it comes to bedtime, he says there’s a window of a several hours—roughly between 8 PM and 12 AM—during which your brain and body have the opportunity to get all the non-REM and REM shuteye they need to function optimally. And, believe it or not, your genetic makeup dictates whether you’re more comfortable going to bed earlier or later within that rough 8-to-midnight window, says Dr. Allison Siebern, associate director of the Insomnia & Behavioral Sleep Medicine Program at Stanford University.

“For people who are night owls, going to bed very early goes against their physiology,” Siebern explains. The same is true for “morning larks” who try to stay up late. For either type of person—as well as for the vast majority of sleepers who fall somewhere in between—the best bedtime is the hour of the evening when they feel most sleepy.

That means night owls shouldn’t try to force themselves to bed at 9 or 10 if they’re not tired. Of course, your work schedule or family life may dictate when you have to get up in the morning. But if you can find a way to match your sleep schedule to your biology—and get a full eight hours of Z’s—you’ll be better off, she adds.

Both she and Walker say your ideal bedtime will also change as you age. While small children tend to be most tired early in the evening, the opposite is true for college-aged adults who may be more comfortable going to bed around or after midnight. Beyond college, your best bedtime will likely creep earlier and earlier as you age, Walker says. And again, all of this is set by your biology.

Siebern suggests experimenting with different bedtimes and using sleepiness as your barometer for a best fit. Just make sure you’re rising at roughly the same time every morning—weekdays or weekends. It’s fine to sleep an extra hour on your days off. But if you’re getting up at 6:30 during the workweek and sleeping until 10 on weekends, you’re going to throw off your sleep rhythms and make bedtime more challenging, she says.